The final day of 2010

Hard to believe that today is the final day of the year. Hopefully this will be a better year that is coming up for me which will bring me better fortune and real chance of some work.

Spark and Spices'!!!

Christmas is a time for sparks and spice. The sparks are when we sit next to the fireplace and hear the crackle of the fire coming from inside the hearth and the spices are what we smell and taste during this holiday.

Our building is getting ready for the holidays as our duct work is getting cleaned out from neglect over the years as some mice have been found. So at least in our big House, we will be closer to the tale of no mice were stirring when Saint Nick became near to us.
We sure could use some of his good old cheer these days!!!

joy and peace to be sprinkled

Joy and peace, ingredients that need to be sprinkled upon the world!!!!
Shake them up and place them into the mix of life's trouble and challenges.

To make our world a much better place indeed.

I used a salt shaker that had tiny holes in it to season some meat and little flecks of salt came out. Small to the naked eye but tasty for the taste buds. I don't use salt that much. Just as I don't use the rotary dialed phones.
But all these things liven up our lives and give it the spice that they need.

A Real Long Christmas Commute.

In about 1 and 1/2 weeks, Santa is going to have one very long commute. Getting all of the elves to finish on time will be crucial to load in all of the raggedy ann dolls, the X men and the wiis into the sleigh.
Plus, the 8 reindeer are going to need a lot of food and grooming and manicures and pedicures to take that long journey. They are going to have get some practice at their Reindeer gym and fitness center to make sure that they are in the tip-top shape.
Looks like Poor old Rudolph is going to need a little counseling so that he can go on his journey overseas. And maybe a renewal of his portrait for himself and all of the gang.

Maybe it is time for the North Pole to update the transportation for them to use. A new prototype. Traveling in some open sleigh at over 50 miles an hour. Surely, the job could be done so much faster. Imagine if it could be run on solar power and wind power. The crew experiences both of those during their journey.

For now, may it be a jolly jolly Christmas. HO HO HO!!!

Father Time meets mother Nature.

The dealer deals at the hours of our day. Father time stands still and hovers over us.
Keeping the scales tilted in a balance towards life.
Standing motionless. At times on its face and head.
Trying to stay ahead of the rat race.
Many times desperately falling behind.
And sometimes headed to wards a small triumph.
Father Time joins Mother Nature as he watches to make sure mother Nature runs her course correctly.
Children needs time outs if their romps got out of hand.

Time worn on the wrist.
Lying emotionless in the landscape. Isolated with other landmarks
Peeled backward as a yellow banana.

Time for dad to sit in his easy chair. And adjust the equilibrium of his medicine.
It is all in the timing and a rush to get out safely where time is of the essence.

Time fleeting away
collapsing like a shadow.

In a memory to be discovered again
in the heart of adoration and adoption.

Think outside the Box!!

Boxes are all around us today! We have the big box stores that have gobbled up the mom and pop shops.
And the boxes of packages that we juggle around in our arms, trying not to drop them as we head for home with them.
Some boxes like shoe boxes are predictable in what we assume that they are.

Boxes are also associated with the moves that people make from one stage of life to the next or just to bury stuff to get it out of their way. They are great to sort the stuff and make order out of apparent chaos.

I am faced with the same box dilemma. What box should I pursue for my future job. I sense the Holy Spirit suggesting to me that I may be pushing too hard in the direction of accounts receivable and maybe I should pursue a few other directions. I may be focusing too much attention on the open lid of what I want but not exploring deeper of what is within the shoe box of opportunity that may be presenting itself. That lid may even go to another box and would not fit the box that it belongs to. Or I may have to adapt the lid to the box or marry the apparent paradox.

At christmastimes in the past, I remember sitting besides the tree and distributing the presents. I looked at the red, green and silver tags and read them and gave them to my dad, mom, or my brother or niece. That was always enjoyable as I awaited in anticipation of what would be inside the boxes. Sitting around in our pajamas after we have had our breakfast, we were eager to dive into the tree. Occasionally, envelopes were nestled in the trees for magazine gift certificates or for special presents. One Christmas, a picture of the Victory Chimes was glued on a card with a note announcing the which represented the 4 day cruise in the Penobscot Bay for the following summer.
At the end of our opening of the presents, we placed the gifts neatly in piles beneath the tree so that each of us could dip in and out of them at leisure during the weekend.

The best part of the gifts or talents in life is to display them.. We are each given talents and it is best to use them to fully bless others. The gift that I was given was the gift of encouragement. I enjoy helping others and making others feel welcome. I got the same feeling as I used to put the tree together from the box and match up the colored branch boughs to the trunk of the tree. It takes a long bare pole and dresses it up with elegant boughs wrapped with balls, silver and gold garland and pointy stars and homemade ornaments created over the years.

Flashing back to the first unofficial calendar christmas, the three magi traveled a far distance and brought with them their three gifts of frankincense, gold and myrrh. These gifts cost each of these wise men a great price, but the beauty is that they chose one each and did so out of symbolism and from the heart. Gold represented the kingship of the Lord and the myrrh represented the preservation of the Lord and the franincense represented scent of priests. Wrapping the three gifts together expresses how we need to elevate the importance of our preservation of our relationships and to make them attractive to people from afar. That is why I love the holiday of Christmas so much. It appeals to the child within us and also the adult longing to connect with others.


The one box that I am really looking forward to opening is the new one which will have the job that is best suited for me. I feel as if I am waving the cursor over the wrapped box on the internet to see what prize I won, only to be told that this time I am not a winner. It can lead to disappointment and angst and a period of not wanting to go further in the search.
But I do know that others are out there who need my help, and I am enjoying being their guide for whatever time they need. I would not have been there if I was not given an opportunity to stop flying in the direction I was going. Now I just await to see which direction that I am going next.
It is going to be different without my dad during the second christmas without his presence. But I am thankful to have had a good dream of being around in his presence.

I am definitely looking forward to being with my niece, Abby and my brother and mom as we four are there to celebrate Christmas dinner and to watch the freshly fallen snow on the coast of Maine. And to listen to the Christmas music and to see the decorations that adorn the houses . And be with the tangible and intangible bonds of memory.

Tributaries and Tributes

Good evening, World. I had my own tributaries forming within my soul and my eyes. I watched the movie, The Last Song, on a father's dying and the daughter and son being with their dad in his final months. It touched a nerve since I miss my dad and I have had a hard time mourning his loss. The feelings come and go at moments. It is hard for me to cultivate and express that love in how I daily live out my life.

I do try at it but it is hard as I try to rationalize with what ifs. What if only xy and z happened and not ab and c.
But in a way, life is like that of a tributary. I remember studying them in elementary school days. I looked up in wikipedia and it is a stream or river which flows to a main stem or parent river. The tributary does not flow directly into a stream, ocean or lake. It leads water out to an ocean.
The events in our lives are much like that. They guide and lead us and make us into better people.

As I was reflecting on what a fellow blogger wrote, I came up with the idea of how tributaries are good reflections on our life's journeys. I have been through many a storm as I have written at Triumph. It is through that flow of the waters that it keeps us on course to live a full life of victory. To hold nothing back. Not to blame or wish for something better.

Surrounding these tributaries are lush greens that grow out of them. Lord as I think through the essence of this, let me be lush and full of love for all I am around. Let the greenness become ever evident. Let me be bold in how I live my life out.
Lord, you were that way, too. You were known as the shoot of Jesse and that shoot has grown very tall for the whole world to see

I extend a cheer to anyone in the world who has flowing tear ducts, wishing for a better and more wholesome world. But sometimes there need to be those desert places for the tributaries to form some day.

OOPs Change

I must admit that I am a little scared about change. I am going to be going on another temporary agency to try to obtain temporary or full-time work. That is going to involve a big change in my routine of job clubs and other meetings. I am going to have to be at an office in the near future and not have as much free reign.

I also need to take some personal criticism. A friend of mine who is trying to get me work said that I need to clean up some. I don't always have as high a regard to my appearance. I don't know exactly why. I do desire closeness but it is also hard for me. And my appearance does not always help due to my handicap.

I also need to follow through and not just promise and fail to deliver. That came to light in a conversation with my mom.

And Lord, you want me to make changes too that I am not too willing to do. But it is for the good of our relationship with each other and also with my relationships with my fellow communities that I participate in.

Handicapped Christmas Treasures.

This is the 444th post for me and I am excited to be continuing the journey in Triumph on how I have overcome the obstacles that were placed in my path for the last 47 years. The long awaited interview finally is on my friend's blog. It is posted at www.theletstalkmom.com and click on the radio show flower and then click on the " on air button and listen away!!!

When I reflect on the journey of the 444 posts, I also think back to the mid 1970's when our americans were held hostage in Iran for those 444 days. At the end of that journey, they gained their freedom. It took a lot of negotiations at the time to get them free and even a failed attempt to free them earlier. But they got their treasured freedom. '

And that is what this time of year represents us getting our cherished freedom as a country in being to live our lives in a free manner without being told what to do in the 1770's from King George of the country of England. For our nation had in its fledgling birth the guidance of our first President George Washington. It gave the new citizens freedom and the ability to live their lives independently.

Now just getting over on a boat and being crowded was quite a challenge I am sure. I sometimes have been trapped in a crowd and have had trouble seeing over the heads as to what was going on. For these pilgrims that made this across the ocean journey of many days had the fortitude and courage to stick it out.l

For life has given all of us some handicaps I am sure. But as I have unwrapped and dealt with each one, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has enabled me and those pilgrims back in the 1770's and even the hostages in the 1970's the ability to endure tough times.

For these do make us much stronger and I advocate for everyone to step out onto the stage of life and give it a shot. Even if it hurts greatly. For the score will be in our favor.
For our Lord reigns. And I am very thankful for that indeed!!!

Resting on the waters of God.

In one's lives, it is important how sometimes there are ugly storms out there.
I don't need to list them for we all know what they are. Just remember to feel what we feel. Even if we don't feel like it.
Remember that the stormy sea returns to normal after a while. Let the waves roll back and forth gently over your soul.

I gave these words of comfort to a friend.

Today, I felt angry when I could not fix something on one of my online applications and when i got disconnected by technical support. I returned a little calmer and realized that I could deselect something that I chose.
A trivial thing to get angry at. I have been a little negative lately Lord as I have not gotten my way sometimes.

The path has not been a smooth one during this unemployment. No ciriculum was handed to me during this awkward dance of a search for work. I did not know that there was a change in the I9 laws for proper identification cards thanks to Homeland Security this year. But these awkward turns in life are going to make me much stronger in this world.

Just as it has been for eons of time, the waves have crashed around the ocean each and every day.
Each wave uniquely different, just like snowflakes and even like our bodies. Made mostly of water. Water that shapes and nurtures and gives life to our souls.

Let the waters roll and as the hymnist has said, it is indeed well with my soul. Even as the waters billow around me at times.

Unfolding the path in life beautifully

Spring it is not. Autumn has arrived and is about to leave the station.
I am grateful for having passed through the heat of summer and now I am at the apex of Autumn to be supplanted with the arrival of the frigid weather of winter.
My brother already has been hit with 7 inches of snow in the midwest and I received a bit of sleet and wind and snow for the brevity of last Monday morning.

For the path that I have been on has unfolded beautifully.
I was interviewed this Sunday afternoon for the thanksgiving special of my friends show on parenting and marriage at www.theletstalkmom.com show. I was the special guest talking on how I grew up handicapped, overcoming my initial diagnosis of having arrested hydrocephalus. It was good to recall with my friends how I overcame the many obstacles and even having a chance to explain my expertise of bowling a perfect game one Tuesday afternoon while at the Nutmeg Lanes. Sorry, for those who think I can hit 11 strikes in a row. My expertise was throwing 20 straight balls into the gutter. Bowling experts may need to apply elsewhere in obtaining someone for their shows on ESPN!

I even got to go to an inauguaral concert at one of the first local churches that our family visited. It was the inauguaral concert for the $880,000 organ that was built for their congregation. The organist commented that it replaced the toaster oven that was there before and thanked those who gave for the organ which was disposed of.

So overall, a great weekend of music and a weekend of being thankful in advance of our church's thanksgiving eve service.

My Bucket List

The bucket list is usually reserved for those who are about to face death. I have established an ongoing bucket list of things that I am going to accomplish. Usually, these events are going to take time. I have been accomplishing many events that range in scope of exploring the arts in the Greater Bridgeport community to attending a variety of workshops at the job training centers.

Sticking the pole in the water

The other day I was chatting with my friend, Jim, and I informed him that I was going to put the pole in the water as I was going fishing. He wisely warned me that I should not place the pole into the water or I am going to scare the fish away.
When I was growing up as a child, Dad and I went fishing off the sides of our boat. Every once in awhile I did dip the pole into the water, curious, to see how it would look. I loved seeing the bent reflection of the pole in the water and how the beads of water would glisten off the pole in beads of it.
Yet, somehow that does not reflect well in the modern adult world. Especially with work. I am having to be patient in the process of finding my work. I never did like the idea of having to wait for a response or nibble from the mouth of a fish tugging on the line. Even now, I am not experiencing a lot of tugs on the line. When I did fish, I sometimes left the pole for a moment, only to wonder if the line got any activity.

While I have not actually plopped the pole deep into the water or even the line, I am now finally getting around to having a targeted list for this process.

Perfection

So many times I have seen people trying to attain perfection. Some just want to weigh the perfect weight and others want the perfect look or the perfect personality.

All these fall short. I many times have tried to do the perfect job on an invoice only to have a customer rip it to shreds. Or crafting the essay or opinion piece for a professor but only to find red ink all over it.

I am so thankful that Jesus is patient with me and my friends as we work out our salvation. I am so glad that He is not finished with me yet. For I am a work in progress. And so are you!!
It is at the resurrection of our souls that we are going to be able to be perfect. When God the Father declares us righteous because of what Jesus did on the cross for us!!!'

This is just one of the reflections that I have had in the past 24 hours as I have reflected on the value of life against the backdrop of death. It has been a rough year having gone through the passing of my dad 365 days ago. It has been a long journey of ups and downs with my emotions. But God is strong and I am so thankful for that. There is nothing that God can not handle. I am glad that I am not in His shoes. But I am to imitate Him.

Lord, Help me to imitate you ever more in the next 365 days so I can stand amazed at where you will be taking me in getting me past the desert I am in now and bring me to the oasis where I can lay down in some green pastures. Lord, be my Psalm 23 shepherd and I will be in your flock of mangy but beautiful sheep!!

The Northern Lights

It has been quite a journey for the past year. In two days, it is the one year marking from when my dad departed earth. I am fortunate to have many happy memories of the time that I spent with him. Of the time with the Northern lights on the back porch of the cottage, sitting on the stoop and looking up at the dark night sky and seeing the beams of light bouncing back and forth.
I only wish that I could have him by my side like the times when he taught me gin rummy while I was in the hospital as a teen to the times we ran the ordinary errands while on my visits to the post office, general store and the water stations and the gas station.

While I have been to the many stations of life, I now travel some of them alone or with just my mom and my brother and his family when we get together. And I am thankful that I have friends, some of whom have already walked that journey and some of them are beginning to walk that journey.

Now I will be able to walk alongside them and give them the much needed comfort that they will indeed need.

Thanks for the great memories, Dad. Just wondering how your end of the gin game is going now. I will have to catch up to your hands and how you will have revolutionized the game of gin when we meet up again.

From Here to Tim Buck Two

I have been traveling in all kinds of worlds. One bus to the next. Hopping from one bus corner to the other and walking this or that street. That seems to be a good way to sum up this adventure for the last 18 weeks. At least, I have not faced inches and feet of snow and ice and cold yet.
That will soon be coming around the corner...before too long!! As that song title rings in my mind=a little off key.

The towns of travel and even to Tim Buck Two are interesting. The common aspects of buildings become rather curious and take on a special history. I looked at some historic buildings in my city of Bridgeport and since I was not in a rush, their beauty shined forth. I enjoyed seeing how blended that they were and of a distinct design during the period. How they stood out. I walked through a little park as I saw a tent, wondering what would be there. It was a vegetable and fruit stand of the local growers.
When I was looking at the organic produce, I saw the beauty of the buildings that I did not key in on as much as I have done in the past.

The same lesson can also apply to our losses. Three come to mind in my life. 51 weeks ago, I lost dad and the world seems a little different now to me.

I also lost a couple of pastors that were dear to me as they moved with their families to other assignments.

And I lost the anchor of my job that was always there for me. Even when I knew a cloud surrounded me of uncertainty for the last few years, I kept going to battle doing the very best that I could do.

As I reflect on these losses, I have found it necessary to look intently at the beauty of the door. The brightness of the colors in the autumn trees, the smiles on people's faces and just the need to hang out with different people- to truly understand and treasure the diversity that this life truly offers all of us!!!

Now I just have to keep traveling and criss crossing the roads towards Tim Buck Two, just as Christian and his friends did in Pilgrim's Progress towards the Celestial City=utilizing the character traits that were found in the people and circumstances along life's journeys.

God is our God who enables us to reach the realms of our dreams. To reach the depths of our desires.
He gives us wings to our dreams and prayers.

And he gives us comfort to ease our sorrow and joy to soothe the disappointments of our lives.
Lives that bring friction and are not always pleasant to be around at times.

Yet God also gives us unutterable joy. I had the privilege this weekend to work side-by-side with the corporate sponsorship of People's United Bank as I linked arms and served the Bethel Recovery Center in Bridgeport by putting out a few programs on chairs and opening the pens and the raffle ticket bundles.
And helping decorate the tables with the fall centerpieces of the pumpkins , pine cones, and candles with glass globes sculpted onto a nicely stained plate.

I saw lives that were transformed from abuse to beauty and lives that blended well within the crowded room. It was hard to identify one life from that of the other.
It can be a little easier to identify changed lives when in a butterfly garden for the chrystalis is gone and the butterflies have emerged from the cocoon. I am sure there is the shell casings that are left behind, but from that great glory shines forth.

it is all because of the great selfless love of the founder, Janice, who always gives a good embrace to those who suffer and also brings forth a team of individuals into the core of the room.

The suffering that the world faces is not just confined to the struggles at home of which some of these women have faced. Struggles of which I have no clue to the depth. Yet, I can understand on some level their pain having gone through struggles on the par of growing up in the handicapped world.

Having also seen a former member of our congregation being reduced to the status of being totally dependent on her husband. This woman who created deep melodies on the organ. Now having her life orchestrated by others.

And even in my life, being orchestrated from the love of others, as I have been totally dependent on others at times to bring me from point a to point Z in my job search.

And to have been given a tremendous gift to bless others this weekend as I received four front row seats to the circus with a great view to give a friend and her niece and another friend the chance to see the circus for either the first time or just because they really wanted to see it this year.

So I thank you Lord for giving me a fantastic weekend and giving me a chance to have fun and see life through another 5 year old's eyes.

Yet, Jesus, that is exactly what this faith journey is. To see life through your eyes. Lord, help me to do that as well!!!!
Thank you Lord!!!

The triple Life

When I became a believer in Jesus, I became three times what I was with the Father , Son and Holy Spirit living within me.
When Christ went to the cross and died for me, he influenced my thinking. The Trinity is a concept of mystery but also that of love everlasting.


And I am very grateful that God spared my cousin on 9-11-01 and he was able to produce a son and daughter through his wife and that also blessed our extended family with this triple life as well.


This inspiration came as I watched the show on the History International Channel of one of the security personnel for Morgan Stanley, Rick Rescorla. Of the bravery of this man to attend to his staff to make sure all but 6 got out alive. It is this dedication of teamwork to the very end that matters.
It is the same teamwork that was in place for my cousin's company in that they all made it out as well.

Just as in our lives, we need to help each other out of the tough binds that we find ourselves in so that we can make our world a better place.

I vow to do that in my life as I reach out to the handicapped and unemployed who surround me. Lord, help me to be like that of Rick who is dedicated and goes beyond what is expected of oneself.

And to not take others for granted. To respect them. To stay in touch in a better way.

Things i need to remember , especially as our world crumbles around us. Needing ways to shore up the world. Or to alleviate the pain for when the world does not stand up as well but collapses.

Walking through the dusking hours

Today, I took on an adventure with my job search.
It has been a little while since I have sweated during this process. Back in July I produced a ton of sweat, waltzing my way through the town and having an experience that I have not had for a few months.

The colors of the sky increasingly sharpened towards bright oranges and yellows. With a nice and brief afterglow-one that I have experienced often while vacationing on the coast of Maine.

The adventuresome part for me was taking this small 1 mile hike off my local thoroughfare. I felt that I could take a short cut if I went a little differently from the directions that I was given by the gurus at MapQuest. They often give longer directions so I thought I outwittted them at this very moment.

As I took my supposed short cut, the sky began to darken some and I was clinging to the side of the road with my occasional hand gestures to the side to let cars know I was along the side of the road. I heard a few dogs barking nearby and was reassured by one of the neighbors that they were contained..

I briefly made out in the distance that there were sidewalks and crossed the street to find out that they soon ended. The sides of the road were slanted and were a bit hillhy,

I value having times of independence when I am in full control and don't really have to rely on anyone else for direction. When I got back on course through the detour that I took, I looked at the time and saw only 10 minutes until my meeting and I am stuck 1/2 mile from my destination. I reached out to a surrounding neighbor and told of my dilemma which brought me to my destination safely.

If only when I was a teen and reached out when I was half way to Newagen and told my parents I walked to local bookstore, but back then I was up for the challenge in the daylight.
But tis a bit harder when it is getting pitch black and the church I expected to see did not surface,
Thanks be to Him that I got the final push to my destination.

The same is to true with my walk with Jesus in that I will go for days when i am slightly lost and not tell someone. Just someone who will bring me back along my way. I often say that I will be fine when ultimately I will flounder and waste much needed time.

The valued lesson in all this is to plan better and reach out. Not to get in the middle of the swamp and flail about. But when in that swamp of life, raise your voice even in the darkness and be blessed when a car door opens and a journey can begin from someone's driveway. Better than wandering out in the wilderness and is a comfort to arrive safe and sound even while a little sweaty.

Crouching beyond the cage

As I was laying down taking a rest, I looked out from my bed and saw my world at a distance almost like that of being in a pen with the cage let down. Wanting to feel safe for the moment and not willing to let go of my surroundings that have become so comfortable for me.

Being in this realm of the unemployed for the 14th week is becoming the norm for me lately. As I have gone from one workshop to the next and as I have tried to figure out where the next desk of mine will be located. Whether deep within a building or high up on the 14th floor with a gorgeous window view or within a maze of cubicles. I have become accustomed to getting in the line at the department of labor and waiting to be served. Periodically, I hear the clerk shout out CT works to the left and department of labor to the right. I then chimed in, :To the left, to the right. which sets into memory a song/chant..
making me feel good.

As I have listened to the many stories of people's lives of what they have been going through at the moment, it provides me with a good perspective of how to portray bravery during those trying moments of their lives.


As I have experienced each era of my life, the environment that I have been in has influenced what I have been going through at the moment.

Just as when last year when my dad left my world, I had a hard time with that since I was close to my father. Even with my work, I felt close to it. It became my norm of how I experienced the world on a daily basis with my reading of the daily news while on the bus, taking the naps at particular times on the way home or just the daily interactions that I had with the passengers and the bus drivers. Yet, I do bring forth and continue the greetings that I exchanged with Paul of the Milford Transit District when I greeted him with Happy Wednesday or Happy Whatever day it was to whomever I come into contact with.

I have often gone into the local McDonalds to order the buck McChicken, 2 apple pies and sweet Iced tea. As I have watched from the vantage point of the restaurant with the hard plastic booths and the tables. Some of which have checker boards that are printed upon them.

As I attended a networking dinner, a friend who is a pastor of a local church, The Bridge, mentioned that he gives hot dogs away during the warmer weather as an outreach. As we were talking, we determined that is not exactly the business model of paying $100 for the dogs and taking $25.00 in from donations. I joked with Pastor Scott Warner of how he should collect a 4% salary from his parishoners. In return, Scott remarked, wow, how do you expect me to live on $1,200. a year.
I am going to have to check out this neighborhood wing ding and add it to reportoire of hot dog experiences that I have had over the years I have heard much lately on this outreach.

Laughing along the minor points of life

When I went to use the two soap dispensers at the local library, there were quite empty. I then walked over to the purell sanitizing spray booth. I placed my hands underneath and awaited patiently for the shaving cream type foam to come gushing out. Instead, three seconds later, I had a moist squirt of liquid flying towards me. I laughed slightly and it provided further confirmation that I am not technically savvy to this new world out there.
Don't worry, I did not arrive from outer space looking to colonize the planet.

As I was at the job center today trying to tweak my resume for an online format via email, I realized that I will have to redo one of my resumes that is done in word so that it will work adequately. This way I can actually start entering the data into corporate human resource data bases so that they will actually consider me for employment.

I must confess that I am actually enjoying this free lance trial retirement that my friend Mary mentioned to me. But I will have pretty much graduated from the training courses that the department of labor has provided with me so far.

I went to a motivational workshop entitled , "Keeping Your Spirits Up." I actually am glad that I did since I did not want to be increasingly frustrated by the technology that bedevils me at times. I am an individual who more closely loves being able to express himself without having to be cornered into a box. When I was a student at Fairfield University or during my elementary and secondary education, I did not mind the assignments given on various topics since I was given some freedom to create within those realms.
It is good to have a box at times through which to structure our lives, but I love the feel of going back and forth on the keypad as the ideas in my mind race through my fingertips to the keyboard.
This is my form of magic and it is not in the form of a black hat in which a rabbit comes crawling out of with the waving of a wand.
Now if I can only create some form of magic with the wave of all that I have done for the past 13 weeks in the job search and to come up with a plan that will bring forth the right job at the right time.

May the reader be blessed with the wanderings of this unemployed man as he awaits for the arrival of some corporate space ship to take me on my next exciting adventure.

A new Birth

I am going to encounter today a new birth. Not a child or something tangible right away. But a seeding of what I have learned over the past 7 plus weeks along with what I have learned over 20 years of working in the corporate world. All tied to my disability and my giftedness from God.

My friend, Lisa, gave me a good illustration that we all need to be stretched sometimes into how we learn in our world. Yet, this is going to be a bit of a stretch since much of the office technology I have not used in terms of microsoft office. We need to stretch in order to move forward in this life.

It is a little unsettling for me to be between these two worlds. Of having been in the sheltered setting of a private school for the handicapped and then mainstreamed into public school,

Of having worked within the corporate world without a lot of assistance and now relying on some of that now.

When I went from public school towards college, I had the same Bureau of Rehab Services help provide me counseling with a psychologist to help me ease my transition to college which I did just fine.

Lord, help me to learn and trust in your direction during this new time. I have learned much during this sabbatical and still have so much to learn in technology and how to manage myself and my environment better.

But I am up to the challenge in the new chapter of my life and not to be on the roving sabbatical that I have been on so far for the past 7 weeks or so!!!!

Passed through another fear.

I am triumphant in that I passed through another fear that has faced me for the past few years of middle age. I went and had a routine exam called a colonoscopy. I survived stage one of it yesterday as I mixed up and drank almost 90 ounces of the trilyte solution to cleanse me for my exam.

When I went for my appointment this afternoon and was brought into the room to get ready, I had a little trouble figuring out the gown. They sure make them in an unusual manner in how one is supposed to tie these things.
When I was lying on the bed for the procedure, I saw the different nozzles and monitors laid out in a similar fashion to when I was visiting my dad last October at Maine Medical. It felt a little awkward knowing that in the medical setting my dad failed to gain back to normal robust health and eventually died of the infections that took over his body.
But I was at a doctor's office and after the twilight drug took effect, I could not dwell on that too much more.

After I had my procedure done, I was all dressed up and sat up for my ginger ale. Now that is service. It also reflects for me how I will be clothed in His heavenly dwelling when I enter Heaven some day to meet and worship my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I will be given that new body which will not need several visits a month or year to the doctor and I will be given a new spirit that will think like my God thinks.

Then as I was reflecting on how I was all ready to go after the procedure, I only wish that I could just fall to sleep and then with a magic wand, I would be transported to the job site that God has prepared for me to work at. And to be fully trained and functional at as well.

But for now, I will prepare as best as I can for the day when I walk through the doors of a new company that is in desperate need of my services and I will also await the day that God welcomes me home into His presence and will do my best Jesus to walk into your throne room to receive my rewards and give them back to you.
Thanks again Lord for choosing to be part of your Kingdom. Let me do your work and do it well, Lord.

Finally, what I am learning about living in the middle of my fears is not to let them get the better of me and to just accept the appointments that I need to go to and to have a willing mind and spirit to learn from them and afterwards bless others with the lessons that I have learned afterwards.

Fear of Change

Change on many fronts is never easy. When I left the mall on the 28th of June having loaded my Panera Card with the $10.00, I thought that I would carry that forward for my bagels during the month of July. I never got to have those bagels or those brief memories with my bagel friends. Throughout the month of July, Dorothy, my friend from church who is also a member of the Bagel Club, mentioned that I was being asked for. I kept making excuses to myself of why I was not returning to the mall from being busy with seminars and just wanting to sleep in. I finally summoned the courage and made the arrival this past Monday. They were glad to see me and asked if I got reinstated. I mentioned that I did not but shared a good extended period of time around the table. This time with only one bag with my news in it but no work. And I had no time pressures to be anywhere else in the world and to be able to enjoy the moment. To be with familiar friends who care about me. We shared the usual topics of the day and the practices of faith as well. One funny comment was when Alan commented on the communion wafer and said, "why can't they be a waffle instead?
It felt good to be at those 5 round tables forming a giant snowman and listening to the classical music playing overhead, even though it appeared to be stuck and playing over and over again.


For now it is Friday the 13th of August. A day of decision and of angst of how the world is going to change for me.

Watching and waiting for change is never easy. I went to Pearle Vision to pick up my new bifocals, a tell-tale sign of my being a middle-aged man. I dropped off my glasses and walked through the world for a half-hour visit with trees blurring and signs completely out of focus. I walked into Billy's Bakery and sampled the potato chips and cheese and bread and butter and jam. Very delectable tastes to walk through the world unadorned without glasses. I have walked through the world with them on since I was eight years-old. I also walked to the lower level of the shopping plaza hoping to grab a bite at the Entrees Restaurant only to find it closed as of August 6th. Traffic lights had the green and red lights but the light fixtures themselves did not stand out. I knew what to expect looking at their location. I even knew the McDonalds was across the street but the vividiness that I experience with my glasses was not there as I sat awaiting for the technician to grind and place the new lens into mine.


After sitting on the bench for twenty minutes on the brick patio, I walked back to Pearle and had my glasses tried on and the world seemed much clearer-after having viewed it in a blur for 45 minutes. And after having the world in an unclear state for the last few since I delayed in having the eye exam for a couple of years. The domed region for the bifocal lens made the world seem to dance a little bit off balance.

After these three anxious weeks of waiting , making excuses and dancing, it turned out okay and was glad that I made the move towards medical progress and a better perfection of I operate my body.

The same seems to be true of my search for work as I am awaiting change and a meeting with my case worker from the Kennedy Center for a career path to be laid out for me in a clearer fashion. I have a good body of work to present to the world in what I have done and I just need to have a sense of confidence in what I have to offer it. At times when I have been in some of the workshops, I feel that I don't have the dramatic stories of rescuing companies from the brink of disaster or having won medals or ribbons of acclaim worn around my neck.
The only disasters that I seem to have survived in the working world is surviving and working through the chaos that I sometimes created in my day to day goings on in the world. I have worked through these disasters by moving around the papers on my desk, hoping that I have the immediate recall I need of where to find them.
In a way, the forces of nature do this as well. There have been many storms on the coast of Maine that I have witnessed of wind swept waves that have crashed against the rocks. These storms that I have witnessed do not produce the massive damage that is often seen on reports of disasters. Yet, I was aware of the effects of the storm whenever I looked out at the end of our house in Maine and saw the end of the entrance to the dock that was once there abruptly edited by the seas. Its protrusion provided a sense of beauty when I look back at it-a moment where it survived the violent dancing of the waves and its remaining, a stoic reminder that even though a portion is shorn off, a stubble of stubbornness and determination can remain strong in its wake.

God's guidance

God is a shepherd in each of our lives. As i cracked open the Bible for the first time this week, I came to the chapter of Ezekiel 34. In this chapter, Ezekiel reflects on the tender-loving care that the Shepherd has for His sheep. And this is the same way that God is towards us.

I find this to be true even though I do not seem to have as strong a structure of time surrounding me. With intervals to come and go as I choose, but I do have the confines of the rising and setting of the sun, the confines of weather and the confines of my conscience.

In the end, God as the Shepherd will bring about justice as it states in Ezekiel 34:16.

Peace to the reader as you rest in the Lord during the trials of life.

Taking a cruise

The ship is leaving in who knows how many minutes. For I am leading a cruise to the next destination. I left my map at the port and have no clue what ports I am going to visit along the way.
Many people seem to be joining me along the way as I visit the job centers and the library and walk around town.

So bon Voyage as we each take a spin at this interesting career search out there!!

heading towards the symphony of Heaven

Lord,
I wish that I could be in your throne room playing a symphony of praise all the time.
My attempts are muted at best. I am the oboe and am anxiously awaiting the trumpet of thegroom that you promise me someday.

Yet, you have made me part of the Bride of Christ. Part of the faithful tribe who is awaiting Christ at the altar for the marriage supper of the Lamb.

Lord, you have the power to heal when one touches the hem of your garment. You have the power whether to heal them at the moment or when they cross the threshold of heaven's doorstep. As when one greets a close friend and invites them to come into the room to sup and dine with you!!!!

Lord, let me put my symphony of desire into perspective and seek your kingdom first. No matter how grand it may feel or seem. For your ways are eternal and will outlast all our human efforts and desires as well!!!

thanks Pastor Len for helping me to remember how faithful God is to me!!!!

On a Safari

Last night at Vacation Bible school, we had the classes hunting wild animals. We had them using lassoes and hula hoops to capture their prey. It is very hard hunting in this manner. And we also had them hunting using the net which was the parachute in which the children went under as we raised the parachute up and down. It provided quite a breeze as the parachute kept moving.

In a way, I am on a safari right now in my life as I search for the right job and the right niche for me to fit in. Previously, I believed that the niche I was in was the perfect one for me. Obviously for some reasons unknown to me, God has in mind something better for me that will help me to grow and enhance my skills in the process.

I feel a lot like Moses right now as he wandered in the hot desert looking for the direction that God gave him and communicating it with his peers. The weather has been similar to what Moses may have experienced in his trek.

What's bugging you

This month has been quite a month. Last month at our writer's workshop in Bridgeport, Mary gave us the assignment to write about bugs or snakes.
I had no idea of how close I would come to either of them this month until now.

On June 28th, I went to work and was all prepared to begin a full week of work and began to process the few credits from the day to be closer to our goal of month-end.
I took a quick break to prepare my morning tea and put it down. Took a few sips.
Then I was ushered into my general manager's office and I was presented the ominous news that my job was eliminated due to restructuring of the accounting division. I was stunned after almost 20 years. A month prior, Mike handed me my 20 year plaque and award package.

After a few words and clarifications from personnell, I made my way through the office for a few farewells and picked up a precious magnet given by a coworker Michele one Christmas of a bible verse from Philipians 4:13 that I hold dear of Christ meeting all of our needs. And picked up a floating smiley that was given to me by a visiting temp agency.
Thus leaving behind a ton of memories from my time of work and play at R3 Metro North/Schrier.

Before I begin my next chapter in life, here is a little recollection of some of the funny times that I had while there.
During one of our audit weeks, I felt determined to win the WEBE 108 challenge of being the 8th caller on one of their songs.
In the past, I kept calling in and never got through. But this time I was going to get through. I just called at the particular time and a voice came onto the line and said, "You are the 8th caller and what is your name?" I said, "This is Scott Davis from Bridgeport Ct and I work for Schrier Bros."
It took a while for them to get it recorded correctly. That day I was the talk in the office and everyone shouted for me to order pizza for them. Oh, I never did take them up on the offer for buying free pizza for them.

On Halloween, several times I dressed up in my blue Blazer and slacks, and they asked if I was Bill Gates. They asked if I could extend them a loan. I told them that I did not have enough funds for their loans. I never could buy a flimsy mask and cape since I would feel extremely uncomforable in them. It was always fun to see how clever my co-workers were dressed up as lobsters, playboy bunnies, Raggedy Ann and other clever designs. A definitely sense of family that I am going to miss.

Then on the first day of us being a full corporate identity, I did not want to get going full force and slept through my alarm only to hear moments later a loud knock and banging on my door with my name being called. I arose and looked at the clock and saw it read 8:30am. I said, wow. I ran into the foyer in my shorts and opened the door to hear my coworker Bill and a neighbor say, "Scott, we were worried that you were dead. I rushed back and changed into my work clothes and was driven to the office by Bill. I sat a litle shocked and embarrassed that I had totally missed my alarm. That day, we had bagels in the office and was not the way to be ushered into corporate life.

Now my life is different after being ushered into a trial retirement which my friend Mary Greer told me to regard it as. And another friend, Andreya, told me to take some time to smell the roses and enjoy life. For I have worked for over 20 years so far. So I have decided to take a sabbatical. This weekend I am visiting an eager customer of mine who wants to talk to me. I have no idea if this will be the end of this long due sabbatical or if it will get extended for a few more weeks or months.
For I am on a paid vacation to a destination right now unknown to me.

One thing that bugs me is how I have to wait in long lines at the Department of Labor. Long ones that do not accomplish much. And then there are the long waits for buses in the heat and the long walks around downtown in the heat. I have drops and beads of sweat that fall off my brow and cling to my back and chest.

It also bugs me that many of my friends I see and hear are in the lines. This is not a club that I wished to join on the 28th of June, one day prior to my 47th birthday. This definitely saves my company the cake time to get the cake.
At the end of my first week, I did get a nice card and note from my coworkers giving me a fresh perspective that there is a purpose for everything and to be sure that I looked at the silver lining behind all of our disappointments.

If I need any bugs in computers to get resolved, I will not be able to call up Dave or Pat in Tech support for relief of password lock outs or program mishaps.


This week, I went into my kitchen cupboard to get a pan to boil some soup. Inside the cover, I saw a city roach lounging on his back as if in bliss. I squished him and put him inside the can and into deep freeze.

And I saw a flying bug that somehow got through a crack in my open window. Tried smashing him a few times but missed him each time. Yet, in this extreme heat, he seems to have given up the fight and is gone.

Then there is the corporate snake that I am going to see each month called King Cobra. He demands a mighty strong penalty. Cold hard earned cash. I just missed the deadline by one month for the ARRA subsidy and have to cough up an extra 2/3. I will have to wait until April 2011 to get a partial refund of it back!! This snake I am very thankful for!!!

The waiting room of life is crowded with many people trying to get somewhere. I do not like having to sit in a doctor's office surrounded by patients coughing and trying to get seen by a doctor. For now, I have to wait to be seen by professionals who will be helping me hone a resume, find me the right workshop to enhance my skills and to find the right path for me to follow.

I am going to have to trust on God and have my wings renewed like the eagles. I need to flap a little less and trust as I am held tight and get some loose feathers removed so that I can fly straighter. After almost 23 years in the corporate arena, I do have a few wings that need to be clipped off and shaped back to their splenor.

And spend a little time by the ocean hearing the waves call back to me and to see the sparkles of my dad come off the waves and hear the gulls calling some greetings back to me as well.

May the reader be blessed as I was recalling the past and reflecting on the road that I have to trod as well for the future.

Some like it Hot!!!

There was a movie once called, Some Like it Hot. I however do not like it hot!! Yet God gave us the 4 seasons to give His created beings a choice to choose which season they would like to be in. Yet, endurance is often the end result for the seasons for which we don't like to be in.


God also has given breaks or hiatuses in our lives. I am in one now called a trial retirement as one of my friends, Mary , put it.
And as a former customer called me today, "a man of leisure."

Yet, one thing that I hope to accomplish in this sabbatical if it is indeed a sabbatical is to have a chance to minister. My friend said I would be a good pastor, but I have not taken the time to pastor as effectively as I should.

And another friend asked me, what I like to do if I could do anything. My answer was to give inspirational talks around the country.


It is indeed wonderful to have friends around to encourage and stimulate and develop as people. To know that we are not alone in this world!!!!

Being at Jesus's feet

When I was sitting with a friend just chilling and reflecting on my rather difficult week, it was just good listening to the story of another human on this earth and hear how she managed work and school and ministry and life. Being able to reflect and hear Psalm 91 read to me aloud, reminding me of the times we sang a song inspired from the Psalm itself.

That made me understand that is really how we are to just be at the feet of Jesus. Listening to what He has to share with us through His Holy Spirit and to just be present in life.

Not to rush to fast. To see the shadows cast on buildings by the trees and to see the surprises that surround us.

And even some painful things to like a higher premium for health insurance but those are just numbers. They hurt for a time but I will treasure those moments spent with my friends hearing their triumphs and trials of life.
And that is the model of one of our woman at church who cares faithfully for her ailing child. Giving her the respect and dignity that she deserves. Being wholly like Jesus and His heart for the children.


That makes the lemonade that I am making that much more sweeter!!!!!

New oars needed

This week so far has been challenging for me since I was let go of my position at work. I went in and was told we had a restructuring. I began to do some work that morning and was then informed of the decision. Not a lot of time to linger and say good bye. But God has been faithful in bringing me in touch with friends and establishing meetings.

I just pray that I will develop some passions that I have left on the back burner for quite some time.

May God steer this boat with some good oars. and for good oarsmen too in the stern!!!!

A wren's breath!!!

What a glorious thought to see the birds of the air taking flight and birth. Of the breath of a wren and the brief momentary flutter when he leaves the soft confines of his shell and wriggles his feathers forth into the world!!!

Hard to imagine what this bird thinks of this firm beak protruding from his face. this weird apendage at first.
Then he begins to move it and chirps. Awaiting instinctually a response from his mama to provide a morsel that she has lovingly gathered and prepared for him.

Had a dream this morning of walking into my apartment and finding someone preparing me a meal. A welcome thought. Does not happen much anymore since I am alone and only happens when I go home for family visits.

Yet when I reflect on God, He does prepare for us a meal each day. It is our job to just open up the Holy Scriptures and find some morsel of Truth inside to trust. just as it must feel for that little wren when he discovers the beak, that appendage in front of his face is so crucial to gather the morsels that mama is carrying inside her beak.

So let us raise our beaks to receive what the Father in Heaven through our Holy Spirit has to give us as well. For it is indeed good. Let us take time to relish it in that nest, that sanctuary, so when we take flight into the world for the day we will be strong and will be able to make music for those who want to listen.

Blessings to all who read this. Feel free to comment as well!!!

Count on Life

This piece is dedicated to those who may be a little down and need to be lifted a little higher up!!!

It has been a little easy to get myself down lately. Having one less family member around. Did dream of a good tribute in the New York Times with an ad taken out on my dad.
Only wish it were true but in a way Dad did make it to facebook when my uncle published photos he took to the page.

Looking ahead towards life, I thought of the phrase, "count on life~~~~"

Scrambling around the letters of life, we come up with the field of dreams. As in that movie, the narrator says, if they build it , they will come. We need to be good builders of this life and then people will follow us.
Remember how people follow Jesus whenever He went from one town to the other.

Another word, file, pops out from within the word, life. File away those memories that we have of one another. Tuck them aside so we can pull them out of our memory banks and celebrate the goodness of God in our lives.

And a famous explorer comes to mind, Leif Ericson, who is thought to be the first explorer to see America before Columbus.

It is so important to stay focused on this life and not what we lack. We always are going to come up short whether it is by a length at the Preakness or by inches in a 90 yard dash. Life does disappoint at times but in the scriptures, it states,"Hope does not disappoint us" from Romans 5:5.

Life has great meaning whether it is the rays of light that come pulsing through the window or even seeing the horses race in the shadows on a black and white television set, a rare dinosaur from 1974.

Let us all have courage to take the saddles on our lives, for they can be rocky and bouncy. But we are in this race together and we all will be in the winner circle when the race has been run!!!!

Let us keep our eyes upon Jesus, the author and finisher of our race!!~!

Be blessed !!!

Your final trip on the seas.

Good morning Dad! This is Scotty Richard and here are a few good remembrances of mine.
Remember when I was born, family and others commented on how your likeness of your DNA was carved into my appearance and that has definitely helped me to waltz through the adventures of this life!!! As I look throughout your life of almost 84 years on earth, you have two dimensions, one of action and contemplation. You have always been a man of the outdoors as when you began your journey of this Davis clan through your simple walks through the campus of Bates college where you fell in love with mom sharing those special moments together.

I know looking back at your life that it has not been easy, but the one thing that I find remarkable is how you have been a role model for me in how to live a life of dignity and courage facing the many obstacles that you did. Even though you were not born with a full-deck of cards, you provided me lessons to live by. As I faced my own struggles as a handicapped person, I could look at how you handled things in life as my first mentor of handicaps. You taught me how it is important to be a team member as you worked with mom to get through the many challenges that you faced each day. Your various handicaps of deafness, parkinsons and dementia were not able to get you down. This helped me to come out of my shell and to be less reserved. You always worked hard and dedicated many long evenings to your work keeping the desk lamp on until your work is done- the same desk as my grandfather's and now mine.

Dad I know you have waited a long time to make this final journey. Just as you had to wait almost 4 days for Randy and I to arrive at Gosnell Hospice to say our final farewells to you.

You have always loved the ocean and the outdoors of Maine . In a few moments, you will get to leave your room and rest upon the shores of Portland after your private cruise with Mr. Hobbes and be able to swim anywhere without having to ask for directions or follow rules!! . Remember Mom's conversation that if you swim straight out, you will reach Portugal's shores. And no need for a shower or for cotton in your ears either.

You were a simple man who connected with me through a simple deck of cards and a pool table.
We shared many a great gin game from when I was your student at Newingtons that became an ongoing gin tournament from Connecticut, Maine, Minnesota and Arizona. As we have played our games through these thirty-two years, it is hard to believe that they have ended. What I loved most about these games is how you held and arranged your hands and played each one creating an expectation of whether your discard would lead to a knock, a gin or a chance for me to take another turn.
The most memorable time for me was when we were at assisted living and you announced a new version you invented: the abridged game -whoever wins the hand wins the game!!! Now that is the new simplified math!!!! Sorry Hoyle's. Meet Walt's rules. I would love to see what your latest rendition of gin is, but I will have to wait until I reach the other side of the shores of heaven. I will surely keep those cards warm. By then you will surely be an expert at it!!!!

You were a good pool shark who played exceptionally well even with a bandaged hand. I remember a trick shot where you were able to reach from behind your back and shot a ball that jumped over several others and leapt on to the floors. That afternoon, you kept me waiting as you sunk four balls in a row!! .

While growing up in Fairfield, I remember the times that you wore your red plaid apron and cooked me breakfasts of oatmeal and eggs. Of how you struck the wooden spoon against the metal pan and placed the spoon on the saucer, awaiting the two minutes for the perfectly cooked breakfast. Those moments together in our warm kitchen with the earth toned wall paper and the gentle light lit from the table. What a great way to start my long day ahead- whether at school or at work. How I miss those mornings that we used to spend together.

I fondly remember the times that we got to spend together as a family on the Rascal W during our fishing journeys catching all kinds of fish, whether Mackeral, pollock, sea squid or dogfish shark. We all hauled in many of them in our buckets, some of which we carved up and cooked up fresh and some we left on our front lawn, where gulls feasted upon the delicacies from the seas only to be chased away by Tinkerbell. Then there were the times we spent exploring the Maine lighthouses and the seals and the sunsets. And remember the time when you swallowed the wake and nearly drowned Uncle Lenny. And when we fished with Bruce and his family and ran into the school of pollock that kept getting caught on our lines.

I got my first on sea driving lesson from you and enjoyed those times, Dad, when you got up from your blue seat of our boat and let me throttle her forward and ply a wake into the waters. What an exhilerating feeling to get those mornings on the Sheepscot River and to have you gently remind me to stay on the correct side of the channel and to watch out for the lobster pot buoys. A much safer way to pilot as you kept watch!!

One of my first summers, you let me go down to the Pratt's Island Dock alone and row in Cozy Harbor during an August afternoon. I hopped into the rowboat that afternoon and unhitched the rope from the dock and began rowing uneventfully. A few moments later, I rowed in between several large, looming docked cruisers and heard my oar lock snap from the side of the rowboat. There I was alone, in the middle of the harbor and I began to row in circles . It took me several hours to make it back to shore and was a memorable way to spend my first time alone on the waters of Maine. And you expertly handled the repair of that oarlock and helped me gain family fame.

Dad, our last series of correspondence was coincidental when I sent you a father's day card featuring several row boats at a dock and then two weeks later, I received a birthday card with rowboats in it as well celebrating my solo journey.

Another episode of a father-son journey that I remember fondly is that of our journey fishing during an extended period of fog. On this one morning, we both thought the fog was gone for good. We started into our fishing only to discover that fog was quickly enveloping us. As a fourteen year old, I trusted whatever adventure we set upon. You trusted your gut instincts as a sailor as we patiently made our way through the channel into Cozy Harbor. It was wonderful to see Hendricks Head Light to our left as we passed into the harbor. Her lifting up her gaze to us assured us of our safe passage home. Your expert navigation even surprised our anxious mom as she waited patiently by the dock for our return.

As I prepared to say my final farewells to you dad on November 4th, Mom and Randy and I ate at Tim Horton's and shared in your favorite meal:a chicken salad sandwich, chicken noodle soup and apple cider with a sugar glazed donut. Afterwards, as I sat by your bedside, I shared what I ate and how you loved it. As I was sharing with you and looked down at your left hand, I saw your simple wedding ring on your finger. Mom commented that you have always kept it on and would even have it on as you were prepared to return to the earth. Demonstrating a sense of bravery and loyalty. When we left that evening, Mom turned on the light in your room and as we left the hospice, we saw the light glowing through the window in your room. A very good and comforting reminder of your love for us.

I look back to the last words that we spoke on the phone one weekday and you told me to keep on plugging. That prepared me through the various trials that have occurred since our conversation from your moves between Maine's health care systems.
Remember the conversation that you had with the hospital nurse and how you had an uncanny ability to guess her age at 42 and were correct!!! And how you turned to me and tossed that ball to me from your bed and turned to me and smiled when you saw me wearing your favorite sweater. And mom told those in your room, "Once a numbers man, always a numbers man!"

The past few days have been both pleasant and bittersweet as I have looked over our journeys as a family and loved being part of 46 years of your almost 84 years living in the beauty of the Earth.


At times, you were an expert of losing things in life. But you finally developed it to an art form at Holbrook when your sneakers and walker disappeared. I know what happened to them. You cleverly stashed them away so that when you announced to the hospice nurse that you were packing your bags for you trip . Very clever way to plan for your final trip. Now that mystery has been solved. Probably won't need that walker. But always good to have it as you are learning to walk on the streets of gold.

Now we are about to eat a spread of food that you would have loved. Dad, I will miss you but I look for you on the other side in the magic sparkles on the waters and on the crest of the waves as the wind wraps around our faces. Have a grand adventure as you surely have lived one as well!!!
God-speed!!!

After a rough nights sleep!!!!

What would it have been like for Jesus to wake up that first Easter morning after having spent a couple of nights in the dungeon of hell. Imagine how it must have felt for the King of Kings to subjected to further suffering and separation from His father so that we may never experience the depth and magnitude of the suffering.

We get glimpses throughout the Bible of that suffering with Jonah in the belly of the Great Fish and with the persecutions of the early Christian church with the martyrs.

It is great to imagine Jesus appearing to His followers that Easter morning after having a few bad nights knowing that those won;t come ever again for Him since He is established in heaven and wanted to reassure His followers that they had a place and seat at His table for the banquet feast and time in paradise after all.

Yet that wait for the banquet feast may take a long time in its coming.

Happy Easter to Everyone!!!!

If I could ever praise Him

This being good friday, it is a lot rougher this year than other years since I just passed through a season with my own father's passing. I do have the comforting things from him such as slacks and shirts and ties and the like. But I like to hold onto memories. Yet those are not the tangible things that I can touch like I can touch a letter from my dad or his favorite shirt or tie or jacket.

As I reflect on the love of Jesus as he came into the world as a man disguised as God for his growing up years. Except people knew and heard of his unusual birth to a virgin. Being conceived by the Holy Spirit. Not the usual things that happen in day to day birth announcements.

I wish that I was not confined to a mortal body but had the body where I could be focused on praising Jesus forever. There are times that I would rather hunker down at my computer and try to beat myself in a high score of Scramble. That in a way makes me a little bit like the pharisees who were narrow-minded in their focus on God. I would rather not be like that.

Help me Lord to be more focused in my worship of you so that I can be a Berean like follower who searches out the Holy Scriptures awaiting for you to jump into my life to make it brimming and full of joy indeed!!!!!

May the Glory be fully be made to God on High.

Yet, my dad is able to fully comprehend everything now that he has shed his mortal body and is going to be able to see all that he may not have fully comprehended or indeed have heard while on this mortal coil.

Trudging through the Snow!!!!

I am going to be trudging through about a foot of snow tomorrow. hey, I am much stronger than the wary flakes that are going to be falling from above. I watched and observed a magical Thursday morning when some of the flakes were furry and some were in the diamond shape. I enjoy seeing them fall. On that particular morning, the snow falling had an even heat with the east and the westerly directions coming down at the same pace.

I held my hand out and caught the flakes that fell into my black felt gloves. I never watched the snow fall into my hands like I did that morning. Maybe that is a small fringe benefit of being a commuter on three bus lines. I have the time to observe little things like from time to time.

Yet, when many of the flakes gang up on me, the combined effort will be much more than I can individually handle and I will be overcome. So I will have to take it one footstep at at time to get through the journey~~~


Enjoy and make a splash in the melting snow puddles!!!

Time to tame the elephant into the cage

This is the year to tame the elephant into their cages at work and at home so I can be more productive and focused in my life.