Saturday, February 19, 2011

Pushing towards loving and goodness

Thank you Lord for allowing me to be having a good transition time. I do want more to come out of it than a status quo. I want to push towards great outcomes and not just trickles from my fingers. I started on a pile but lost the energy to move it forward. I gave myself three days. I hope God I can push it to completion in the next two days!! I think I can.

My friend called transitions blessings, really complicated ones.
Somedays in the shifting sands can be a complex swoosh of the grains.
even small gains among the grains.
an instability until I reach the water's edge.
a compacting of the sand until it is pressed firmly into the ground,'
immovable until the big wave or the creativity of a child, unearthing its tomb,
unto a sense of creativity!!

My friend said that I also need to be good and loving towards myself. Maybe I just need to do all three in a gentle way.
1. pushed to be motivated to action.
2. then somehow have that sabbath built into the sabbatical to give me the goodness and love which underlies the need to push so hard.
3. Almost like that of labor to create something wonderful for God
4. to Celebrate and share in!!!

Thanks to the cradle and the cross.
Both times of pushing and shoving.
Pushing into the world and
then through God's infinite goodness....
pushing that boulder away by the angels on Easter Sunday morning!!!!

Thanks Crissy for inspiring this today!!!

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Neighboring Galaxy

Star Clusters
Spinning in circles.
Aren't we wonderful.

The beauty of the heavens.
Lighting up the sky.''

That star dust
sprinkling and touching us on the chin.

The spectacle of greatness
of being shriveled at the same time.

How wonderful you are Milky way
Do I have a neighbor elsewhere to share
this grandeur.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Can I have the car keys!!!

I am traveling down the lanes in life and I want to make the turns and direct my vehicle down the course of my life. I want the Lord to give me periodic guidance as I go through my life, but I have not been doing the best job as of late.
I do hope to make some major corrections in how I view life and of how I view purity and the like.

I want to be fully ready for Jesus when He comes to take me home. For I will be with Him forever at that moment.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's day of the cross

Awakening to the end of the day.
The sun emerges as a cross
behind the screen
nestled within the clouds

A force to be reckoned with
taking its slumber for 3 days

Pulsing again
a momentary and everlasting rebirth.

Its view:
yet approachable
A warm afterglow.

Bouncing off the traffic below
blurring the vision

A vague figure standing in the middle
Arms held wide and firm

Warming the soul and the heart
creating shadows of a cross
behind the participants

An ultimate force of love, power, and life and hope for all.

This above poem was crafted by me before a talk and reading of some poems by Vivian Shipley on Love, power and Women and men.
Ultimately, God is powerful in our lives but also very loving.
And the ultimate lover that is true and faithful to mankind.

Happy Valentines day to all and especially to you Jesus, the lover of my soul.

Friday, February 11, 2011

A story of blackness on the Stage of Life

Darkness surrounds the tunnel of life and a cloud envelops around its very existence.
Hard to see as the mist forms a heavy fog.

The boxer emerges from the curtain and he pushes the curtain away and slouches and slumbers unto the stage.
The lights with the audience are dimmed where the boxer can not see the crowd that is in front of him but he hears the screams of the crowd. The curtain fully opens and the lights in the audience turn up and the announcer says, "Here is the best and greatest boxer in our time. Lord Scott emerges into the ring and opposes the great Hindin. The great Hindin scares Scott for a moment as his huge hands sway over Scott's head. Scott bows for cover and feels the persistent swish of the gloves over his head.
Great Scott tears off his robe and reveals black and gold shorts with the Big G on them.

The audience is a lot like that of my friends who are cheering me on in the dark moments of my life when I do not fully understand what is happening behind the scenes. For the plot is being developed when the curtain is closed. Furniture and sets are being moved around. Signs are being hung to mark the progress of life. News for others to read.

Lights momentarily erupting and canceling out the darkness. Scott says to Hindin, :"Oh I see your hands. They don't scare me buddy. I can take you on."
The gloves of the boxers are in black suede and have the yellow insignia of G for great. For both boxers were termed "great" in the program that was handed out to the audience.

That is what the search for work has made me, great, as I have unearthed the potential that I have developed over the years.
I have so much behind the scenes that I have developed and know for well that I can do all through Him who gives me strength.

A poem of Blackness:

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Going on a trip

I awoke this morning with an insatiable urge to start Elizabeth Gilbert's new book on marriage, Committed. I began to devour the intro and kept reading through the first chapter on her adventures of going from an ordinary woman into one thrust to the spotlight with fame.

As I was doing this and preparing my bowl of cereal in the kitchen, I saw the darkened sky deciding whether to unwrap itself from the sheets of slumber. It almost had that feel in the air of when I am about to take a trip up to Maine to see my mom. The anticipation of the day but with more sleep than I usually get because of fear of whether or not I would miss the bus to the bus.

I feel a little bit like a nomad lately going from workshop to workshop or seminar to seminar. I do enjoy those times like I did last night when my creativity and soul were unlocked a little bit. Of how Kathy Caprino of Breakdown, Breakthrough gave a good description of how to live authentic lives. Of how to power up our very existences.

In the past, when I went about my daily life, I woke and then put my feet on the floor and just went running about the day. Getting what I needed to do. A little enervating at times. Not knowing how I would handle any fears that might be thrust my way. What darts could hit me in the form of a warning or stern word. Of being caged in by some of my failures and my failure to communicate within the specified forms and expectations that were set up. As Kathy Caprino put it last night, sometimes the jobs that we may have had are not the right fit for us. That made me feel good with all of the failure that I put up around me. Being told that I failed in my communication and organizational methods.

That still is true but my true worth is from within me as I mentioned yesterday. My worth is not the defeat I may feel when I am within the corporate ring. I may fail or not have all the tools that I need in my tool chest. But I have another tool chest that is equally invaluable and that is the tool chest of my heart. It is this tool chest that I need to unlock more, and I sense that I am unlocking it a little more. Even if I have weary eyes from the passion to pursue excellence and inspiration to help others get back into the ring of their lives.

So, it is off to another exciting day of this sabbatical not knowing who I am going to meet or hear from. Maybe, Lord, that is what it was like for the ancient Israelites that you cared for. How they awoke early to the sunrise and wandered and heard from you. Yet, Lord, you mixed into that equation uncertainty with captivity and wars and bloodshed. But in those times, you sprinkled a sense of fulfillment and order for the world to see that you are a great redeemer and a designer who is predictable with the sunrise yet very subtle with how lives changes as when you etch the rocks of Pemaquid ever so slowly. To be seen by your microscopic hand yet to be marveled by myriads of children passing by.

I hear the bus in the distance taking passengers on their journey. I will be joining the bus in a couple of hours for my journey to the Job Center to share my enthusiasm and joy for life. To exchange stories and to build others up as well.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Being at the edge of the ring

Oh my. 7.5 months. I have been out of work. Out of the normal flow of the office and its ins and outs of the daily grind of dealing with issues and problems of customers and staff that I used to work with. In a way, it feels good to be out of the flow but I am itching to get back into it and make a difference. The process currently seems so daunting. I have been trained and prepared as to how to do the whole process and am into my third notebook with the different classes and workshops that I have been taking. I see no end in sight.

Almost feel like a boxer who is at the edge of the ring and has been pounded a few times with a bloody jaw. Shoulder muscles aching and cramping from the jabs that were thrown. Lying in a pool of sweat and blood on the mat. With the trainer and his towel over the boxer urging him to get up. The trainer reaches his hand to the boxer and urges him to grab hold of it. The boxer reaches up and takes the trainer's hand. Slowly grabbing the ropes and the jaw goes into a grimace and he tentatively stands and then sits down in a chair to rest.

That is how it feels right now for me. I have not fully entered the ring. I am a bit scared. Yet, I have not been fully knocked down. Only got a few automated emails saying that the position was filled. Or an answer from the recruiter that the position was filled a month ago. I still have me and the wit and the spunk. I just need to spin it in the right way so I can step back into the ring and go at my opponent. I don't know who he is right now. Or what color shorts he is wearing.
Is it blue or green or white. And what about the logo. GE or UBS or Lifecare.
Maybe my opponent is the attitude in my mind. I watched the Tom Brokaw special the other night on Aaron Rogers who wrote, Between a Rock and A Hard place of his week long journey stuck in a canyon. He fought through being by an 800 pound boulder and had to chip away at that thing for quite a while with his pocket knife. Ultimately having to cut off his arm to move past the boulder and into safety and rescue. But he had to face high obstacles and fears. I want to be like him and to be like my old self who fought those battles head on.

Looking back, those battles were not easy but I relied on my friends and family a little more maybe. Lord, help me to do the same to get back into the ring fully so that I can make a full difference and recovery of my soul. To introduce myself and my value to the world in a fuller way so I can be the welterweight champion of the Job World. Come on rejection and discouragement. I can handle it. I just won't keep you on the shelf or marquis for too long though. I am tough. I have grit. I can handle it.

Come on crowd. Bring it on!!!!

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

a toe of snow

Today, we were supposed to get a dumping of a monster storm of 1 to 2 feet but we only got a toe of snow. Only an inch. The weathermen should call for the toe of snow once in a while. Something to scrape off with ones boot. The snow bothered Maine, New Hampshire and Boston. So we got spared. It may have gotten lost getting to Connecticut this time!!!

The weather may still deliver a doozie. We will have to see. Nothing profound today. Just a chuckle to deliver!!!