Life sometimes is about endings of what we have dreamed of and what we have hoped would come out of fertile soil. I have experienced my first such loss this summer and it has been teaching me a lot about life and how I am to process what it has been teaching me.
I knew being friends with my special person was going to teach me some valuable lessons but I never expected loss to be one of them. On the news, I frequently have heard of the news of break ups of hollywood stars or of famous sports couples. But for me at the ripe old age of 48, I never thought that I would be in that arena. For the heartache of not being able to hear the laugh of my dear friend or the quirks that I adhered to of not going a step ahead or lock the car door after I got out.
I heard of a book called Necessary Endings and maybe this experience has been fertile soil for me to consider how to be more considerate and learn how to set and establish boundaries. I have learned that I need to be responsible and pay attention to the small details of where a movie is and to know the exact time of the showing of that movie. I have also learned to enjoy all kinds of food from McDonalds to the Diner to the Olive Garden and the Chinese restaurant. Of being able in a moments notice to be swept into a Home Depot or Walmart during the storm of Irene looking for double D batteries or the like. And of not going to Super Duper Weenie for the hot dog special.
Of being able to see movies of suspense and adventure and to identify key areas of our lives in the dialogue from the screen.
Lessons that I have learned that I have heard often but now it is on my front stoop of my heart and of which I will bring into the next close friendship that I want to develop. Relationships are about the give and take of our lives. Fresh water being deposited on the beachfronts of our lives and the swoosh of surf spray as it leave s the shore. Gulls overhead in symphony with the crows making their sounds and their cries.
Oh for those times to return. Oh for me to be patient and to learn to trust. To learn to sing a new ode with someone else. Taking more of a control and melding of faith into the relationship. Of being able to equal alongside but linked to the almighty- almost like a tripod.
For I am valued by Him and want to express that value to others as well.
For now I can add loss to the column of my life in a love that I was slowly trying to nurture and of which I will continue as I reach out to others to bring them slowly to the warm embrace of life. To dance that dream and that hope. Of the eternal joys found in the Eternal City of life. So let us dance and feel the joy sweep our hearts. As we await our names to called anew. To be brought into the continual daily dance, whether held by arms or by the Spirit itself. Renewed forevermore.
