Fear of Change

Change on many fronts is never easy. When I left the mall on the 28th of June having loaded my Panera Card with the $10.00, I thought that I would carry that forward for my bagels during the month of July. I never got to have those bagels or those brief memories with my bagel friends. Throughout the month of July, Dorothy, my friend from church who is also a member of the Bagel Club, mentioned that I was being asked for. I kept making excuses to myself of why I was not returning to the mall from being busy with seminars and just wanting to sleep in. I finally summoned the courage and made the arrival this past Monday. They were glad to see me and asked if I got reinstated. I mentioned that I did not but shared a good extended period of time around the table. This time with only one bag with my news in it but no work. And I had no time pressures to be anywhere else in the world and to be able to enjoy the moment. To be with familiar friends who care about me. We shared the usual topics of the day and the practices of faith as well. One funny comment was when Alan commented on the communion wafer and said, "why can't they be a waffle instead?
It felt good to be at those 5 round tables forming a giant snowman and listening to the classical music playing overhead, even though it appeared to be stuck and playing over and over again.


For now it is Friday the 13th of August. A day of decision and of angst of how the world is going to change for me.

Watching and waiting for change is never easy. I went to Pearle Vision to pick up my new bifocals, a tell-tale sign of my being a middle-aged man. I dropped off my glasses and walked through the world for a half-hour visit with trees blurring and signs completely out of focus. I walked into Billy's Bakery and sampled the potato chips and cheese and bread and butter and jam. Very delectable tastes to walk through the world unadorned without glasses. I have walked through the world with them on since I was eight years-old. I also walked to the lower level of the shopping plaza hoping to grab a bite at the Entrees Restaurant only to find it closed as of August 6th. Traffic lights had the green and red lights but the light fixtures themselves did not stand out. I knew what to expect looking at their location. I even knew the McDonalds was across the street but the vividiness that I experience with my glasses was not there as I sat awaiting for the technician to grind and place the new lens into mine.


After sitting on the bench for twenty minutes on the brick patio, I walked back to Pearle and had my glasses tried on and the world seemed much clearer-after having viewed it in a blur for 45 minutes. And after having the world in an unclear state for the last few since I delayed in having the eye exam for a couple of years. The domed region for the bifocal lens made the world seem to dance a little bit off balance.

After these three anxious weeks of waiting , making excuses and dancing, it turned out okay and was glad that I made the move towards medical progress and a better perfection of I operate my body.

The same seems to be true of my search for work as I am awaiting change and a meeting with my case worker from the Kennedy Center for a career path to be laid out for me in a clearer fashion. I have a good body of work to present to the world in what I have done and I just need to have a sense of confidence in what I have to offer it. At times when I have been in some of the workshops, I feel that I don't have the dramatic stories of rescuing companies from the brink of disaster or having won medals or ribbons of acclaim worn around my neck.
The only disasters that I seem to have survived in the working world is surviving and working through the chaos that I sometimes created in my day to day goings on in the world. I have worked through these disasters by moving around the papers on my desk, hoping that I have the immediate recall I need of where to find them.
In a way, the forces of nature do this as well. There have been many storms on the coast of Maine that I have witnessed of wind swept waves that have crashed against the rocks. These storms that I have witnessed do not produce the massive damage that is often seen on reports of disasters. Yet, I was aware of the effects of the storm whenever I looked out at the end of our house in Maine and saw the end of the entrance to the dock that was once there abruptly edited by the seas. Its protrusion provided a sense of beauty when I look back at it-a moment where it survived the violent dancing of the waves and its remaining, a stoic reminder that even though a portion is shorn off, a stubble of stubbornness and determination can remain strong in its wake.

God's guidance

God is a shepherd in each of our lives. As i cracked open the Bible for the first time this week, I came to the chapter of Ezekiel 34. In this chapter, Ezekiel reflects on the tender-loving care that the Shepherd has for His sheep. And this is the same way that God is towards us.

I find this to be true even though I do not seem to have as strong a structure of time surrounding me. With intervals to come and go as I choose, but I do have the confines of the rising and setting of the sun, the confines of weather and the confines of my conscience.

In the end, God as the Shepherd will bring about justice as it states in Ezekiel 34:16.

Peace to the reader as you rest in the Lord during the trials of life.

Taking a cruise

The ship is leaving in who knows how many minutes. For I am leading a cruise to the next destination. I left my map at the port and have no clue what ports I am going to visit along the way.
Many people seem to be joining me along the way as I visit the job centers and the library and walk around town.

So bon Voyage as we each take a spin at this interesting career search out there!!

heading towards the symphony of Heaven

Lord,
I wish that I could be in your throne room playing a symphony of praise all the time.
My attempts are muted at best. I am the oboe and am anxiously awaiting the trumpet of thegroom that you promise me someday.

Yet, you have made me part of the Bride of Christ. Part of the faithful tribe who is awaiting Christ at the altar for the marriage supper of the Lamb.

Lord, you have the power to heal when one touches the hem of your garment. You have the power whether to heal them at the moment or when they cross the threshold of heaven's doorstep. As when one greets a close friend and invites them to come into the room to sup and dine with you!!!!

Lord, let me put my symphony of desire into perspective and seek your kingdom first. No matter how grand it may feel or seem. For your ways are eternal and will outlast all our human efforts and desires as well!!!

thanks Pastor Len for helping me to remember how faithful God is to me!!!!

On a Safari

Last night at Vacation Bible school, we had the classes hunting wild animals. We had them using lassoes and hula hoops to capture their prey. It is very hard hunting in this manner. And we also had them hunting using the net which was the parachute in which the children went under as we raised the parachute up and down. It provided quite a breeze as the parachute kept moving.

In a way, I am on a safari right now in my life as I search for the right job and the right niche for me to fit in. Previously, I believed that the niche I was in was the perfect one for me. Obviously for some reasons unknown to me, God has in mind something better for me that will help me to grow and enhance my skills in the process.

I feel a lot like Moses right now as he wandered in the hot desert looking for the direction that God gave him and communicating it with his peers. The weather has been similar to what Moses may have experienced in his trek.

What's bugging you

This month has been quite a month. Last month at our writer's workshop in Bridgeport, Mary gave us the assignment to write about bugs or snakes.
I had no idea of how close I would come to either of them this month until now.

On June 28th, I went to work and was all prepared to begin a full week of work and began to process the few credits from the day to be closer to our goal of month-end.
I took a quick break to prepare my morning tea and put it down. Took a few sips.
Then I was ushered into my general manager's office and I was presented the ominous news that my job was eliminated due to restructuring of the accounting division. I was stunned after almost 20 years. A month prior, Mike handed me my 20 year plaque and award package.

After a few words and clarifications from personnell, I made my way through the office for a few farewells and picked up a precious magnet given by a coworker Michele one Christmas of a bible verse from Philipians 4:13 that I hold dear of Christ meeting all of our needs. And picked up a floating smiley that was given to me by a visiting temp agency.
Thus leaving behind a ton of memories from my time of work and play at R3 Metro North/Schrier.

Before I begin my next chapter in life, here is a little recollection of some of the funny times that I had while there.
During one of our audit weeks, I felt determined to win the WEBE 108 challenge of being the 8th caller on one of their songs.
In the past, I kept calling in and never got through. But this time I was going to get through. I just called at the particular time and a voice came onto the line and said, "You are the 8th caller and what is your name?" I said, "This is Scott Davis from Bridgeport Ct and I work for Schrier Bros."
It took a while for them to get it recorded correctly. That day I was the talk in the office and everyone shouted for me to order pizza for them. Oh, I never did take them up on the offer for buying free pizza for them.

On Halloween, several times I dressed up in my blue Blazer and slacks, and they asked if I was Bill Gates. They asked if I could extend them a loan. I told them that I did not have enough funds for their loans. I never could buy a flimsy mask and cape since I would feel extremely uncomforable in them. It was always fun to see how clever my co-workers were dressed up as lobsters, playboy bunnies, Raggedy Ann and other clever designs. A definitely sense of family that I am going to miss.

Then on the first day of us being a full corporate identity, I did not want to get going full force and slept through my alarm only to hear moments later a loud knock and banging on my door with my name being called. I arose and looked at the clock and saw it read 8:30am. I said, wow. I ran into the foyer in my shorts and opened the door to hear my coworker Bill and a neighbor say, "Scott, we were worried that you were dead. I rushed back and changed into my work clothes and was driven to the office by Bill. I sat a litle shocked and embarrassed that I had totally missed my alarm. That day, we had bagels in the office and was not the way to be ushered into corporate life.

Now my life is different after being ushered into a trial retirement which my friend Mary Greer told me to regard it as. And another friend, Andreya, told me to take some time to smell the roses and enjoy life. For I have worked for over 20 years so far. So I have decided to take a sabbatical. This weekend I am visiting an eager customer of mine who wants to talk to me. I have no idea if this will be the end of this long due sabbatical or if it will get extended for a few more weeks or months.
For I am on a paid vacation to a destination right now unknown to me.

One thing that bugs me is how I have to wait in long lines at the Department of Labor. Long ones that do not accomplish much. And then there are the long waits for buses in the heat and the long walks around downtown in the heat. I have drops and beads of sweat that fall off my brow and cling to my back and chest.

It also bugs me that many of my friends I see and hear are in the lines. This is not a club that I wished to join on the 28th of June, one day prior to my 47th birthday. This definitely saves my company the cake time to get the cake.
At the end of my first week, I did get a nice card and note from my coworkers giving me a fresh perspective that there is a purpose for everything and to be sure that I looked at the silver lining behind all of our disappointments.

If I need any bugs in computers to get resolved, I will not be able to call up Dave or Pat in Tech support for relief of password lock outs or program mishaps.


This week, I went into my kitchen cupboard to get a pan to boil some soup. Inside the cover, I saw a city roach lounging on his back as if in bliss. I squished him and put him inside the can and into deep freeze.

And I saw a flying bug that somehow got through a crack in my open window. Tried smashing him a few times but missed him each time. Yet, in this extreme heat, he seems to have given up the fight and is gone.

Then there is the corporate snake that I am going to see each month called King Cobra. He demands a mighty strong penalty. Cold hard earned cash. I just missed the deadline by one month for the ARRA subsidy and have to cough up an extra 2/3. I will have to wait until April 2011 to get a partial refund of it back!! This snake I am very thankful for!!!

The waiting room of life is crowded with many people trying to get somewhere. I do not like having to sit in a doctor's office surrounded by patients coughing and trying to get seen by a doctor. For now, I have to wait to be seen by professionals who will be helping me hone a resume, find me the right workshop to enhance my skills and to find the right path for me to follow.

I am going to have to trust on God and have my wings renewed like the eagles. I need to flap a little less and trust as I am held tight and get some loose feathers removed so that I can fly straighter. After almost 23 years in the corporate arena, I do have a few wings that need to be clipped off and shaped back to their splenor.

And spend a little time by the ocean hearing the waves call back to me and to see the sparkles of my dad come off the waves and hear the gulls calling some greetings back to me as well.

May the reader be blessed as I was recalling the past and reflecting on the road that I have to trod as well for the future.

Some like it Hot!!!

There was a movie once called, Some Like it Hot. I however do not like it hot!! Yet God gave us the 4 seasons to give His created beings a choice to choose which season they would like to be in. Yet, endurance is often the end result for the seasons for which we don't like to be in.


God also has given breaks or hiatuses in our lives. I am in one now called a trial retirement as one of my friends, Mary , put it.
And as a former customer called me today, "a man of leisure."

Yet, one thing that I hope to accomplish in this sabbatical if it is indeed a sabbatical is to have a chance to minister. My friend said I would be a good pastor, but I have not taken the time to pastor as effectively as I should.

And another friend asked me, what I like to do if I could do anything. My answer was to give inspirational talks around the country.


It is indeed wonderful to have friends around to encourage and stimulate and develop as people. To know that we are not alone in this world!!!!

Being at Jesus's feet

When I was sitting with a friend just chilling and reflecting on my rather difficult week, it was just good listening to the story of another human on this earth and hear how she managed work and school and ministry and life. Being able to reflect and hear Psalm 91 read to me aloud, reminding me of the times we sang a song inspired from the Psalm itself.

That made me understand that is really how we are to just be at the feet of Jesus. Listening to what He has to share with us through His Holy Spirit and to just be present in life.

Not to rush to fast. To see the shadows cast on buildings by the trees and to see the surprises that surround us.

And even some painful things to like a higher premium for health insurance but those are just numbers. They hurt for a time but I will treasure those moments spent with my friends hearing their triumphs and trials of life.
And that is the model of one of our woman at church who cares faithfully for her ailing child. Giving her the respect and dignity that she deserves. Being wholly like Jesus and His heart for the children.


That makes the lemonade that I am making that much more sweeter!!!!!

New oars needed

This week so far has been challenging for me since I was let go of my position at work. I went in and was told we had a restructuring. I began to do some work that morning and was then informed of the decision. Not a lot of time to linger and say good bye. But God has been faithful in bringing me in touch with friends and establishing meetings.

I just pray that I will develop some passions that I have left on the back burner for quite some time.

May God steer this boat with some good oars. and for good oarsmen too in the stern!!!!

A wren's breath!!!

What a glorious thought to see the birds of the air taking flight and birth. Of the breath of a wren and the brief momentary flutter when he leaves the soft confines of his shell and wriggles his feathers forth into the world!!!

Hard to imagine what this bird thinks of this firm beak protruding from his face. this weird apendage at first.
Then he begins to move it and chirps. Awaiting instinctually a response from his mama to provide a morsel that she has lovingly gathered and prepared for him.

Had a dream this morning of walking into my apartment and finding someone preparing me a meal. A welcome thought. Does not happen much anymore since I am alone and only happens when I go home for family visits.

Yet when I reflect on God, He does prepare for us a meal each day. It is our job to just open up the Holy Scriptures and find some morsel of Truth inside to trust. just as it must feel for that little wren when he discovers the beak, that appendage in front of his face is so crucial to gather the morsels that mama is carrying inside her beak.

So let us raise our beaks to receive what the Father in Heaven through our Holy Spirit has to give us as well. For it is indeed good. Let us take time to relish it in that nest, that sanctuary, so when we take flight into the world for the day we will be strong and will be able to make music for those who want to listen.

Blessings to all who read this. Feel free to comment as well!!!