Last night, I went on an escape. Escape from the anxiety and stress and hurt within my own heart. Of the loneliness that is not always filled by chats with Godly friends.
To a world in cyberspace with images of spandex and silk and of nothing. Of a world where the imagination gets traced away from God to a trajectory that can not be rationally touched. And of regrets lining my day, of not spending time with God and being foolish and care-free in the basics such as not looking both ways on a busy street. Yet, I thank you God for looking out for a rebellious son of yours. Someone who knows how to return home.
One of my friends, Ted, lifted me up and let me know that I should not be as hard on myself. He said that I am one of the best christian soldiers he knows. He amplified my thoughts and concerns that as christians we go through a real tension of faith vs passion. Of comfort vs. Godly action. If we are concerned about faith, we need to look for how God will act in our lives. And passion if not controlled, we take us away from the oasis that God will lead us to.
Reflecting to the 40 years that the Israelites wandered the desert, not the dessert table. The Israelites could have short=circuited the process if they saw how God was meeting their needs. Sure, manna and quail may not have been what they wanted on the menu and the same special every day. Come on, they might say. But, their needs were met. And if they were satisfied with their current state, the wandering may have been less severe.
Lord even though I am single and I look out and see couples having children and having terrific marriages and opportunities for passion, I need to look at how you provide for me a roof over my head, compassionate coworkers like Gilbert who drops me off at my home before 6 and people like Ted that I can talk of the mundane struggles that we go through.
Another Tidbit of wisdom from Ted was that there is a struggle we have for comfort and Godly action. Of when do sit behind the sidelines and when do we get into the ring for the action. Mary and Martha in the New Testament had that struggle as well.
So Lord if Quail and Manna are dropped onto my plate, I will put some parmesan on it and sprinkle some butter and put some parsley on top. And give you thanks. For you are the great provider of my soul. And I will look for you to fill it up and not empty it as my cisterns often do. And let us find a good vegetable to make that a meat potato and vegetable platter.